@doublebluff hi i'm here to christen your inbox with the most awkward conversation of all time
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temujackie
2025-05-14 04:57 am (UTC)(link)
[ Melissa keeps telling herself that she's changed, that she isn't just the girl who stands in the back and lets everyone ignore her anymore, but if she were really different she wouldn't be doing this. She would be walking up to Jackie in person and talking to her like a normal human.
She can't do that, though, is the thing. She's squirming with shame already, and it's not even over what they all did, which is bad enough, it's over what she alone had said months afterward. She'd namedropped Jackie so casually, hacking away at what must have been over a dozen years of history and reducing them to a single judgment: treated you like shit. Like Melissa herself had not sat on the bench or in the locker room and watched Jackie in the naive hope that if she looked hard enough she would figure out how to become something like her, and then, later, when it became clear that she would not, switched to watching Shauna watch Jackie instead.
So, no, she doesn't think she can do this in person. Yet. Especially not because she doesn't think there would be any way to have this initial conversation without Shauna overhearing, and that would be entirely too fucking mortifying to withstand. ]
hey, jackie. it's melissa, from the team? [ Just in case you forgot her!!! ]
um, i
so travis told me you're here too and that's so great! that's socool awesome, seriously.
i just got here, so
i'm still figuring everything out and shauna mentioned maybe crashing with you guys sometime but it felt weird to say yes without talking to you first.
but anyway, i'm excited to see you around andmaybe if you want hang out and stuff!
[ OKAY jesus christ melissa shut UP and press send ]
She can't do that, though, is the thing. She's squirming with shame already, and it's not even over what they all did, which is bad enough, it's over what she alone had said months afterward. She'd namedropped Jackie so casually, hacking away at what must have been over a dozen years of history and reducing them to a single judgment: treated you like shit. Like Melissa herself had not sat on the bench or in the locker room and watched Jackie in the naive hope that if she looked hard enough she would figure out how to become something like her, and then, later, when it became clear that she would not, switched to watching Shauna watch Jackie instead.
So, no, she doesn't think she can do this in person. Yet. Especially not because she doesn't think there would be any way to have this initial conversation without Shauna overhearing, and that would be entirely too fucking mortifying to withstand. ]
hey, jackie. it's melissa, from the team? [ Just in case you forgot her!!! ]
um, i
so travis told me you're here too and that's so great! that's so
i just got here, so
i'm still figuring everything out and shauna mentioned maybe crashing with you guys sometime but it felt weird to say yes without talking to you first.
but anyway, i'm excited to see you around and
[ OKAY jesus christ melissa shut UP and press send ]
[ since she’d assumed the role of captain, she’d taken that to mean that she should make everyone on the team feel included as part of it. it’s why she’d sat with allie and reassured her as she painted a bee on her cheek, why she’d tried to bring misty into group things in the summer at the cabin before the reality that no one was coming for them had really set in. melissa had been a part of that group and even if she could only really know the younger girls so well, she’d tried to make a point of speaking to them at least once on team bonding outings and made charts of their birthdays so she could get a card passed around and signed by everyone on the team.
none of that is the same as trying to befriend or even get to know someone, though, and her attempts at those with melissa had been fairly superficial pre-crash and non-existent post, especially as things got worse. she doesn’t know her relationship with shauna or what was said about her, but can she really fault her for boiling her view of her down when she hadn’t let her know much beyond that?
(well, maybe. because she doesn’t know yet.) ]
Of course I remember you. Hey Melissa :) IDK if this is the ideal place to be but I’m glad to be here. If that makes any sense.
[ it’s something she hasn’t been able to bring up with the others. being here means she gets to live again. she gets to fix what she’d done wrong. ]
It’s cool with me if it’s cool with Shauna. It’s probably a good thing for us to stick together, u know?
[ not that shauna had seemed to consider her any more than jackie had back at home, but a lot of time has passed for them. ]
none of that is the same as trying to befriend or even get to know someone, though, and her attempts at those with melissa had been fairly superficial pre-crash and non-existent post, especially as things got worse. she doesn’t know her relationship with shauna or what was said about her, but can she really fault her for boiling her view of her down when she hadn’t let her know much beyond that?
(well, maybe. because she doesn’t know yet.) ]
Of course I remember you. Hey Melissa :) IDK if this is the ideal place to be but I’m glad to be here. If that makes any sense.
[ it’s something she hasn’t been able to bring up with the others. being here means she gets to live again. she gets to fix what she’d done wrong. ]
It’s cool with me if it’s cool with Shauna. It’s probably a good thing for us to stick together, u know?
[ not that shauna had seemed to consider her any more than jackie had back at home, but a lot of time has passed for them. ]
it totally makes sense.
[ For Jackie especially, it makes sense. Melissa can't even imagine what that'd be like—getting a second chance like that. For the rest of them, too, though, she can't imagine why they wouldn't want to be here. ]
there is so much food here too? i've been eating nonstop since i got here. and the beds are so soft
[ Hmm. She wonders how much Jackie knows about their situation, like how they're living in the wilderness without the cabin now. Travis had said she doesn't know about what happened "after," but after could mean so many things besides the obvious Huge Awful Thing that Melissa won't even let herself articulate inside her own head. ]
oh, cool. [ Maybe.
She'd actually kind of expected Jackie to say no to sharing a room or at least make some kind of polite excuse about needing to talk to Shauna about it first, but... now... ]
well, you know how shauna is, haha
i promise not to get in your way
[ For Jackie especially, it makes sense. Melissa can't even imagine what that'd be like—getting a second chance like that. For the rest of them, too, though, she can't imagine why they wouldn't want to be here. ]
there is so much food here too? i've been eating nonstop since i got here. and the beds are so soft
[ Hmm. She wonders how much Jackie knows about their situation, like how they're living in the wilderness without the cabin now. Travis had said she doesn't know about what happened "after," but after could mean so many things besides the obvious Huge Awful Thing that Melissa won't even let herself articulate inside her own head. ]
oh, cool. [ Maybe.
She'd actually kind of expected Jackie to say no to sharing a room or at least make some kind of polite excuse about needing to talk to Shauna about it first, but... now... ]
well, you know how shauna is, haha
i promise not to get in your way
[ truth be told, she doesn’t love the idea of sharing her space with shauna, but if shauna had already made the offer she doesn’t want to argue it. and she’s more concerned about the idea of one of them being alone than she is annoyed that shauna had made the offer without asking her. even with this place being as nice as it is, there are still dangerous people and dangerous things in this place. ]
Yeah. [ she appreciates that melissa doesn’t judge her or ask why. ] It’s crazy, right??? I WAY overdid it when I first got here. Nat had to hold back my hair.
It’s not just food, either. They have all kinds of liquor and drugs and stuff. And an arcade and a tattoo parlor. I think things keep moving around though. & we kind of started up with playing again.
[ something pings her as off about melissa’s last message. ]
You’ll be fine. These rooms are huge, I swear we could all fit in one bed. [ so if you see her in shauna’s or shauna in hers don’t worry about it. ] I guess you guys ended up getting close.
Yeah. [ she appreciates that melissa doesn’t judge her or ask why. ] It’s crazy, right??? I WAY overdid it when I first got here. Nat had to hold back my hair.
It’s not just food, either. They have all kinds of liquor and drugs and stuff. And an arcade and a tattoo parlor. I think things keep moving around though. & we kind of started up with playing again.
[ something pings her as off about melissa’s last message. ]
You’ll be fine. These rooms are huge, I swear we could all fit in one bed. [ so if you see her in shauna’s or shauna in hers don’t worry about it. ] I guess you guys ended up getting close.
woah, seriously?? you don't even KNOW how much i've been wanting to play soccer again. my one arm is kind of fucked up right now but i can still do drills.
[ Whatever, it's probably fine, it doesn't matter. She's more focused on the last thing Jackie sent anyway.
There's a really, really long pause before Mel sends anything else. She's kind of flying blind here and freaking out a little. This is SO fine, of course Shauna was all over her at breakfast but hasn't mentioned her at all to Jackie, and now she has to be the one to explain this. It's not like there's an established way to tell someone that you barged your way into the convenient vacant spot they left behind by literally dying and now you're wilderness dating their best friend. Type and delete, type and delete. ]
yeah, shauna is great. she's
sorry, this is so weird. shauna and i are like dating
i mean. i know you can't go on dates in the woods. but we live together and shit. that's why she said i should stay with you guys.
[ Another, shorter pause, and then: ]
don't be pissed at her
[ Whatever, it's probably fine, it doesn't matter. She's more focused on the last thing Jackie sent anyway.
There's a really, really long pause before Mel sends anything else. She's kind of flying blind here and freaking out a little. This is SO fine, of course Shauna was all over her at breakfast but hasn't mentioned her at all to Jackie, and now she has to be the one to explain this. It's not like there's an established way to tell someone that you barged your way into the convenient vacant spot they left behind by literally dying and now you're wilderness dating their best friend. Type and delete, type and delete. ]
yeah, shauna is great. she's
sorry, this is so weird. shauna and i are like dating
i mean. i know you can't go on dates in the woods. but we live together and shit. that's why she said i should stay with you guys.
[ Another, shorter pause, and then: ]
don't be pissed at her
Yeah what happened w/that? Were you hunting or something?
[ that's her best guess with the kind of injury she's heard mel has. but she gets it. she'd been so happy just to be able to play again it didn't even matter what kind of practice she'd gotten in.
jackie takes a few minutes to read and reread what melissa sends, because no, shauna hadn't mentioned that. but in fairness, it's not like jackie had thought to ask 'hey, in your post-partum mourning did you happen to start hooking up with one of the junior girls?'. she'd kind of figured that would be something that shauna would bring up on her own.
but then there's a lot she's not being told, isn't there? she hasn't asked for the sake of not wanting to be exiled again, especially here. but it's getting more and more difficult to ignore. ]
I'm not pissed. That's cool. [ she can do what she wants idc. ]
I'm just confused, I guess. She didn't tell me.
[ that's her best guess with the kind of injury she's heard mel has. but she gets it. she'd been so happy just to be able to play again it didn't even matter what kind of practice she'd gotten in.
jackie takes a few minutes to read and reread what melissa sends, because no, shauna hadn't mentioned that. but in fairness, it's not like jackie had thought to ask 'hey, in your post-partum mourning did you happen to start hooking up with one of the junior girls?'. she'd kind of figured that would be something that shauna would bring up on her own.
but then there's a lot she's not being told, isn't there? she hasn't asked for the sake of not wanting to be exiled again, especially here. but it's getting more and more difficult to ignore. ]
I'm not pissed. That's cool. [ she can do what she wants idc. ]
I'm just confused, I guess. She didn't tell me.
yeah... kind of? i don't hunt, but i was in the wrong place at the wrong time, i guess. [ Haha :) Yikes. ]
oh. okay, cool. no, i just meant
gen was pretty upset with me for not telling her at first, that's all.
[ She's not really comparing this to the Jeff situation, but she's seen firsthand how hurt Jackie was when Shauna hid things from her before. It is, like, her last actual memory of Jackie. And yeah, Jackie might not really be her friend or anything, but Mel doesn't want to be the reason for another blowup. Shauna would freak. ]
i think shauna probably didn't know what to say? it's hard to talk about. a lot of people wouldn't be ok with it. not that i thought YOU wouldn't be but
anyway, it's not like she expected me to show up, right?
oh. okay, cool. no, i just meant
gen was pretty upset with me for not telling her at first, that's all.
[ She's not really comparing this to the Jeff situation, but she's seen firsthand how hurt Jackie was when Shauna hid things from her before. It is, like, her last actual memory of Jackie. And yeah, Jackie might not really be her friend or anything, but Mel doesn't want to be the reason for another blowup. Shauna would freak. ]
i think shauna probably didn't know what to say? it's hard to talk about. a lot of people wouldn't be ok with it. not that i thought YOU wouldn't be but
anyway, it's not like she expected me to show up, right?
[ jackie is trying, very hard, to remember that it's not fair to expect someone to remain in the same state, but this just feels like another reminder that they get to keep living and she doesn't. it's not even necessarily to do with melissa and she appreciates that she's telling her about it, but it still makes her ache to hear. ]
I mean I get it. Tai and Van were hiding it too.
I don't think any of us expected anyone else to show up.
[ there's a long pause as jackie debates whether or not to tell her what she ends up sending next, after she ultimately decides that if melissa's being upfront and honest, she should be, too. (since apparently shauna won't.) ]
You should know that we kissed. Since we've been here.
[ and before, but that's not currently relevant. ]
I mean I get it. Tai and Van were hiding it too.
I don't think any of us expected anyone else to show up.
[ there's a long pause as jackie debates whether or not to tell her what she ends up sending next, after she ultimately decides that if melissa's being upfront and honest, she should be, too. (since apparently shauna won't.) ]
You should know that we kissed. Since we've been here.
[ and before, but that's not currently relevant. ]
personally, i'm holding out hope for mari. she'd be sooo psyched about this place.
[ It's a lame attempt at levity, because...
ffffuck. Well, she can't stop the way her stomach drops in nauseating kneejerk reaction to Jackie's text, but at the same time it isn't shock she feels. Just... resignation, maybe? Or like she's just come face to face with some inevitability?
Melissa's not stupid. She knows people (well, two people) make jokes about Shauna using her as a shitty substitute for Jackie, and she'd never have even approached Shauna, ever, if Jackie had still been in the picture. Shauna and Jackie were all tangled up in each other in a weird way that kind of... defied the usual definitions of friendship. Or romance.
It's not like she can really hold this against Jackie, who didn't even know about her. And Shauna? Ugh, she doesn't know. ]
okay.
are you going to... keep doing that?
[ It's a lame attempt at levity, because...
ffffuck. Well, she can't stop the way her stomach drops in nauseating kneejerk reaction to Jackie's text, but at the same time it isn't shock she feels. Just... resignation, maybe? Or like she's just come face to face with some inevitability?
Melissa's not stupid. She knows people (well, two people) make jokes about Shauna using her as a shitty substitute for Jackie, and she'd never have even approached Shauna, ever, if Jackie had still been in the picture. Shauna and Jackie were all tangled up in each other in a weird way that kind of... defied the usual definitions of friendship. Or romance.
It's not like she can really hold this against Jackie, who didn't even know about her. And Shauna? Ugh, she doesn't know. ]
okay.
are you going to... keep doing that?
I don't know.
[ she feels like experimenting is encouraged here. with multiple partners, even. but it's still a lot to wrap her mind around and she'd been here a lot longer than melissa, comparatively. ]
I feel like people don't really judge if you want to do that with whoever here, if that makes sense? Even if they're already with someone.
But they usually know about it beforehand if they do.
[ she feels like experimenting is encouraged here. with multiple partners, even. but it's still a lot to wrap her mind around and she'd been here a lot longer than melissa, comparatively. ]
I feel like people don't really judge if you want to do that with whoever here, if that makes sense? Even if they're already with someone.
But they usually know about it beforehand if they do.
okay.
[ Melissa feels like she just keeps repeating "okay," like a robot, but this isn't something she ever thought she'd be doing. Talking to her beloved team captain (her dead, beloved team captain) about kissing Shauna Shipman. ]
this is sooo fucking weird, huh
but thanks for being honest, jackie.
[ Her finger hovers over the keys, hesitating. She wants to ask if Shauna has told Jackie anything else about the situation going on, or if she's just shut it down, but she's not sure how to ask or whether she should risk it. ]
has shauna seemed okay? since you guys have been here longer.
[ Melissa feels like she just keeps repeating "okay," like a robot, but this isn't something she ever thought she'd be doing. Talking to her beloved team captain (her dead, beloved team captain) about kissing Shauna Shipman. ]
this is sooo fucking weird, huh
but thanks for being honest, jackie.
[ Her finger hovers over the keys, hesitating. She wants to ask if Shauna has told Jackie anything else about the situation going on, or if she's just shut it down, but she's not sure how to ask or whether she should risk it. ]
has shauna seemed okay? since you guys have been here longer.
Yeah. Of course.
[ the last question is something she needs to think about for a while. something's felt off in a way she can't describe since she woke up with the others, a weird sort of tension that shauna and nat are trying to keep jackie from perceiving. she doesn't know specifics, because of course she doesn't. but it's there and if melissa's talked to the others, she must have sensed it, too. ]
They all fell asleep a few weeks ago, for a few days. I heard it's something that happens sometimes, if you have memories to catch up with. [ which should explain why jackie had been the only one to stay awake. ] I don't know, things have felt...strained, I guess?
[ the last question is something she needs to think about for a while. something's felt off in a way she can't describe since she woke up with the others, a weird sort of tension that shauna and nat are trying to keep jackie from perceiving. she doesn't know specifics, because of course she doesn't. but it's there and if melissa's talked to the others, she must have sensed it, too. ]
They all fell asleep a few weeks ago, for a few days. I heard it's something that happens sometimes, if you have memories to catch up with. [ which should explain why jackie had been the only one to stay awake. ] I don't know, things have felt...strained, I guess?
they remember more than i do. travis told me it's winter for them now, but he didn't give me any specific info.
[ He was frustratingly vague, and so was Shauna later. Maybe that's why Melissa doesn't feel bad about saying what she does next. ]
shauna and natalie have NOT been getting along back there, but if anything else happened later, i don't know about it.
[ It's actually so annoying that she doesn't know. She hates not knowing where everybody stands. Maybe if she's persistent, she can bug Shauna enough that she accidentally spills some details. ]
anyway, since we're here, it shouldn't matter, right? it's not like we needa queen one person in charge.
[ He was frustratingly vague, and so was Shauna later. Maybe that's why Melissa doesn't feel bad about saying what she does next. ]
shauna and natalie have NOT been getting along back there, but if anything else happened later, i don't know about it.
[ It's actually so annoying that she doesn't know. She hates not knowing where everybody stands. Maybe if she's persistent, she can bug Shauna enough that she accidentally spills some details. ]
anyway, since we're here, it shouldn't matter, right? it's not like we need
They haven't?
[ she's noticed they haven't exactly been friendly, especially since waking, but from what melissa's saying it sounds like things have been much worse than they've been letting on. but then not getting along runs a wide gambit, doesn't it? it could mean anything.
but not getting along had also lead to her walking outside to her death. ]
I mean, I wouldn't know either. No one's really been telling me anything, with a few exceptions. [ she hates it, too. ]
& yeah. I feel like it's more important to stay safe & look out for each other.
[ she's noticed they haven't exactly been friendly, especially since waking, but from what melissa's saying it sounds like things have been much worse than they've been letting on. but then not getting along runs a wide gambit, doesn't it? it could mean anything.
but not getting along had also lead to her walking outside to her death. ]
I mean, I wouldn't know either. No one's really been telling me anything, with a few exceptions. [ she hates it, too. ]
& yeah. I feel like it's more important to stay safe & look out for each other.
nope. but it's up and down. they must be up right now, since we're here.
[ Not really getting into the fact that Shauna doesn't exactly get along with anybody in camp these days, not just Nat. With some people it's worse, with others not as bad, but it's always kind of present, simmering. Even Tai has kept her distance lately, and Melissa knows the two of them used to be pretty close. ]
oh. i'll tell you things, i mean, if i can. [ What won't get her in trouble, at least. She's not looking to start anything. ]
totally :)
[ Not really getting into the fact that Shauna doesn't exactly get along with anybody in camp these days, not just Nat. With some people it's worse, with others not as bad, but it's always kind of present, simmering. Even Tai has kept her distance lately, and Melissa knows the two of them used to be pretty close. ]
oh. i'll tell you things, i mean, if i can. [ What won't get her in trouble, at least. She's not looking to start anything. ]
totally :)
jackie!
i decided we need to do something dumb and normal, sooo i looked everywhere for the knockoff blockbuster and TA DA, i found it and rented us this movie called "emma" that came out like a month after nationals so i KNOW neither of us have seen it already.
it says it's about this woman in like, the 1800s or something who matchmakes all her friends but "risks overlooking her own chance at love in the process." i guess it's based on a famous book or something. anyway, it sounds perfect!
oh, and i got weed so we can get stoned. okay? great :) see you tonight!
i decided we need to do something dumb and normal, sooo i looked everywhere for the knockoff blockbuster and TA DA, i found it and rented us this movie called "emma" that came out like a month after nationals so i KNOW neither of us have seen it already.
it says it's about this woman in like, the 1800s or something who matchmakes all her friends but "risks overlooking her own chance at love in the process." i guess it's based on a famous book or something. anyway, it sounds perfect!
oh, and i got weed so we can get stoned. okay? great :) see you tonight!
[ yeah, welcome to being friends with melissa, now she's never going to shut up ]
that would be great! make sure to get something chocolate. oh and if you see fun dip can you grab me one? i've been craving fun dip sooo bad
that would be great! make sure to get something chocolate. oh and if you see fun dip can you grab me one? i've been craving fun dip sooo bad
dude, that sounds soooo good. i like the way you think.
i used to put jolly ranchers in my drinks sometimes back home. too bad we didn't have any of those in the wilderness because they definitely would have improved that gross berry wine
i used to put jolly ranchers in my drinks sometimes back home. too bad we didn't have any of those in the wilderness because they definitely would have improved that gross berry wine
i have my moments :)
lol, true... mari swore her recipe was improved this year but it tasted exactly the same to me.
lol, true... mari swore her recipe was improved this year but it tasted exactly the same to me.
Edited (lol whoops) 2025-08-09 03:19 (UTC)
Thanks for thinking of it :)
[ within about fifteen minutes, she's back, an armful of snacks and drinks in hand. but because she can't open the door without dropping something, she has to knock at the door, or rather kick at it. ]
Hurry up, or I'm gonna lose the cookies!
[ within about fifteen minutes, she's back, an armful of snacks and drinks in hand. but because she can't open the door without dropping something, she has to knock at the door, or rather kick at it. ]
Hurry up, or I'm gonna lose the cookies!
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