[ jackie is trying, very hard, to remember that it's not fair to expect someone to remain in the same state, but this just feels like another reminder that they get to keep living and she doesn't. it's not even necessarily to do with melissa and she appreciates that she's telling her about it, but it still makes her ache to hear. ]
I mean I get it. Tai and Van were hiding it too.
I don't think any of us expected anyone else to show up.
[ there's a long pause as jackie debates whether or not to tell her what she ends up sending next, after she ultimately decides that if melissa's being upfront and honest, she should be, too. (since apparently shauna won't.) ]
You should know that we kissed. Since we've been here.
[ and before, but that's not currently relevant. ]
personally, i'm holding out hope for mari. she'd be sooo psyched about this place.
[ It's a lame attempt at levity, because...
ffffuck. Well, she can't stop the way her stomach drops in nauseating kneejerk reaction to Jackie's text, but at the same time it isn't shock she feels. Just... resignation, maybe? Or like she's just come face to face with some inevitability?
Melissa's not stupid. She knows people (well, two people) make jokes about Shauna using her as a shitty substitute for Jackie, and she'd never have even approached Shauna, ever, if Jackie had still been in the picture. Shauna and Jackie were all tangled up in each other in a weird way that kind of... defied the usual definitions of friendship. Or romance.
It's not like she can really hold this against Jackie, who didn't even know about her. And Shauna? Ugh, she doesn't know. ]
[ she feels like experimenting is encouraged here. with multiple partners, even. but it's still a lot to wrap her mind around and she'd been here a lot longer than melissa, comparatively. ]
I feel like people don't really judge if you want to do that with whoever here, if that makes sense? Even if they're already with someone.
But they usually know about it beforehand if they do.
[ Melissa feels like she just keeps repeating "okay," like a robot, but this isn't something she ever thought she'd be doing. Talking to her beloved team captain (her dead, beloved team captain) about kissing Shauna Shipman. ]
this is sooo fucking weird, huh but thanks for being honest, jackie.
[ Her finger hovers over the keys, hesitating. She wants to ask if Shauna has told Jackie anything else about the situation going on, or if she's just shut it down, but she's not sure how to ask or whether she should risk it. ]
has shauna seemed okay? since you guys have been here longer.
[ the last question is something she needs to think about for a while. something's felt off in a way she can't describe since she woke up with the others, a weird sort of tension that shauna and nat are trying to keep jackie from perceiving. she doesn't know specifics, because of course she doesn't. but it's there and if melissa's talked to the others, she must have sensed it, too. ]
They all fell asleep a few weeks ago, for a few days. I heard it's something that happens sometimes, if you have memories to catch up with. [ which should explain why jackie had been the only one to stay awake. ] I don't know, things have felt...strained, I guess?
they remember more than i do. travis told me it's winter for them now, but he didn't give me any specific info.
[ He was frustratingly vague, and so was Shauna later. Maybe that's why Melissa doesn't feel bad about saying what she does next. ]
shauna and natalie have NOT been getting along back there, but if anything else happened later, i don't know about it.
[ It's actually so annoying that she doesn't know. She hates not knowing where everybody stands. Maybe if she's persistent, she can bug Shauna enough that she accidentally spills some details. ]
anyway, since we're here, it shouldn't matter, right? it's not like we need a queen one person in charge.
[ she's noticed they haven't exactly been friendly, especially since waking, but from what melissa's saying it sounds like things have been much worse than they've been letting on. but then not getting along runs a wide gambit, doesn't it? it could mean anything.
but not getting along had also lead to her walking outside to her death. ]
I mean, I wouldn't know either. No one's really been telling me anything, with a few exceptions. [ she hates it, too. ]
& yeah. I feel like it's more important to stay safe & look out for each other.
nope. but it's up and down. they must be up right now, since we're here.
[ Not really getting into the fact that Shauna doesn't exactly get along with anybody in camp these days, not just Nat. With some people it's worse, with others not as bad, but it's always kind of present, simmering. Even Tai has kept her distance lately, and Melissa knows the two of them used to be pretty close. ]
oh. i'll tell you things, i mean, if i can. [ What won't get her in trouble, at least. She's not looking to start anything. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I mean I get it. Tai and Van were hiding it too.
I don't think any of us expected anyone else to show up.
[ there's a long pause as jackie debates whether or not to tell her what she ends up sending next, after she ultimately decides that if melissa's being upfront and honest, she should be, too. (since apparently shauna won't.) ]
You should know that we kissed. Since we've been here.
[ and before, but that's not currently relevant. ]
no subject
[ It's a lame attempt at levity, because...
ffffuck. Well, she can't stop the way her stomach drops in nauseating kneejerk reaction to Jackie's text, but at the same time it isn't shock she feels. Just... resignation, maybe? Or like she's just come face to face with some inevitability?
Melissa's not stupid. She knows people (well, two people) make jokes about Shauna using her as a shitty substitute for Jackie, and she'd never have even approached Shauna, ever, if Jackie had still been in the picture. Shauna and Jackie were all tangled up in each other in a weird way that kind of... defied the usual definitions of friendship. Or romance.
It's not like she can really hold this against Jackie, who didn't even know about her. And Shauna? Ugh, she doesn't know. ]
okay.
are you going to... keep doing that?
no subject
[ she feels like experimenting is encouraged here. with multiple partners, even. but it's still a lot to wrap her mind around and she'd been here a lot longer than melissa, comparatively. ]
I feel like people don't really judge if you want to do that with whoever here, if that makes sense? Even if they're already with someone.
But they usually know about it beforehand if they do.
no subject
[ Melissa feels like she just keeps repeating "okay," like a robot, but this isn't something she ever thought she'd be doing. Talking to her beloved team captain (her dead, beloved team captain) about kissing Shauna Shipman. ]
this is sooo fucking weird, huh
but thanks for being honest, jackie.
[ Her finger hovers over the keys, hesitating. She wants to ask if Shauna has told Jackie anything else about the situation going on, or if she's just shut it down, but she's not sure how to ask or whether she should risk it. ]
has shauna seemed okay? since you guys have been here longer.
no subject
[ the last question is something she needs to think about for a while. something's felt off in a way she can't describe since she woke up with the others, a weird sort of tension that shauna and nat are trying to keep jackie from perceiving. she doesn't know specifics, because of course she doesn't. but it's there and if melissa's talked to the others, she must have sensed it, too. ]
They all fell asleep a few weeks ago, for a few days. I heard it's something that happens sometimes, if you have memories to catch up with. [ which should explain why jackie had been the only one to stay awake. ] I don't know, things have felt...strained, I guess?
no subject
[ He was frustratingly vague, and so was Shauna later. Maybe that's why Melissa doesn't feel bad about saying what she does next. ]
shauna and natalie have NOT been getting along back there, but if anything else happened later, i don't know about it.
[ It's actually so annoying that she doesn't know. She hates not knowing where everybody stands. Maybe if she's persistent, she can bug Shauna enough that she accidentally spills some details. ]
anyway, since we're here, it shouldn't matter, right? it's not like we need
a queenone person in charge.no subject
[ she's noticed they haven't exactly been friendly, especially since waking, but from what melissa's saying it sounds like things have been much worse than they've been letting on. but then not getting along runs a wide gambit, doesn't it? it could mean anything.
but not getting along had also lead to her walking outside to her death. ]
I mean, I wouldn't know either. No one's really been telling me anything, with a few exceptions. [ she hates it, too. ]
& yeah. I feel like it's more important to stay safe & look out for each other.
no subject
[ Not really getting into the fact that Shauna doesn't exactly get along with anybody in camp these days, not just Nat. With some people it's worse, with others not as bad, but it's always kind of present, simmering. Even Tai has kept her distance lately, and Melissa knows the two of them used to be pretty close. ]
oh. i'll tell you things, i mean, if i can. [ What won't get her in trouble, at least. She's not looking to start anything. ]
totally :)