woah, seriously?? you don't even KNOW how much i've been wanting to play soccer again. my one arm is kind of fucked up right now but i can still do drills.
[ Whatever, it's probably fine, it doesn't matter. She's more focused on the last thing Jackie sent anyway.
There's a really, really long pause before Mel sends anything else. She's kind of flying blind here and freaking out a little. This is SO fine, of course Shauna was all over her at breakfast but hasn't mentioned her at all to Jackie, and now she has to be the one to explain this. It's not like there's an established way to tell someone that you barged your way into the convenient vacant spot they left behind by literally dying and now you're wilderness dating their best friend. Type and delete, type and delete. ]
yeah, shauna is great. she's
sorry, this is so weird. shauna and i are like dating i mean. i know you can't go on dates in the woods. but we live together and shit. that's why she said i should stay with you guys.
[ Another, shorter pause, and then: ] don't be pissed at her
Yeah what happened w/that? Were you hunting or something?
[ that's her best guess with the kind of injury she's heard mel has. but she gets it. she'd been so happy just to be able to play again it didn't even matter what kind of practice she'd gotten in.
jackie takes a few minutes to read and reread what melissa sends, because no, shauna hadn't mentioned that. but in fairness, it's not like jackie had thought to ask 'hey, in your post-partum mourning did you happen to start hooking up with one of the junior girls?'. she'd kind of figured that would be something that shauna would bring up on her own.
but then there's a lot she's not being told, isn't there? she hasn't asked for the sake of not wanting to be exiled again, especially here. but it's getting more and more difficult to ignore. ]
yeah... kind of? i don't hunt, but i was in the wrong place at the wrong time, i guess. [ Haha :) Yikes. ]
oh. okay, cool. no, i just meant gen was pretty upset with me for not telling her at first, that's all.
[ She's not really comparing this to the Jeff situation, but she's seen firsthand how hurt Jackie was when Shauna hid things from her before. It is, like, her last actual memory of Jackie. And yeah, Jackie might not really be her friend or anything, but Mel doesn't want to be the reason for another blowup. Shauna would freak. ]
i think shauna probably didn't know what to say? it's hard to talk about. a lot of people wouldn't be ok with it. not that i thought YOU wouldn't be but anyway, it's not like she expected me to show up, right?
[ jackie is trying, very hard, to remember that it's not fair to expect someone to remain in the same state, but this just feels like another reminder that they get to keep living and she doesn't. it's not even necessarily to do with melissa and she appreciates that she's telling her about it, but it still makes her ache to hear. ]
I mean I get it. Tai and Van were hiding it too.
I don't think any of us expected anyone else to show up.
[ there's a long pause as jackie debates whether or not to tell her what she ends up sending next, after she ultimately decides that if melissa's being upfront and honest, she should be, too. (since apparently shauna won't.) ]
You should know that we kissed. Since we've been here.
[ and before, but that's not currently relevant. ]
personally, i'm holding out hope for mari. she'd be sooo psyched about this place.
[ It's a lame attempt at levity, because...
ffffuck. Well, she can't stop the way her stomach drops in nauseating kneejerk reaction to Jackie's text, but at the same time it isn't shock she feels. Just... resignation, maybe? Or like she's just come face to face with some inevitability?
Melissa's not stupid. She knows people (well, two people) make jokes about Shauna using her as a shitty substitute for Jackie, and she'd never have even approached Shauna, ever, if Jackie had still been in the picture. Shauna and Jackie were all tangled up in each other in a weird way that kind of... defied the usual definitions of friendship. Or romance.
It's not like she can really hold this against Jackie, who didn't even know about her. And Shauna? Ugh, she doesn't know. ]
[ she feels like experimenting is encouraged here. with multiple partners, even. but it's still a lot to wrap her mind around and she'd been here a lot longer than melissa, comparatively. ]
I feel like people don't really judge if you want to do that with whoever here, if that makes sense? Even if they're already with someone.
But they usually know about it beforehand if they do.
[ Melissa feels like she just keeps repeating "okay," like a robot, but this isn't something she ever thought she'd be doing. Talking to her beloved team captain (her dead, beloved team captain) about kissing Shauna Shipman. ]
this is sooo fucking weird, huh but thanks for being honest, jackie.
[ Her finger hovers over the keys, hesitating. She wants to ask if Shauna has told Jackie anything else about the situation going on, or if she's just shut it down, but she's not sure how to ask or whether she should risk it. ]
has shauna seemed okay? since you guys have been here longer.
[ the last question is something she needs to think about for a while. something's felt off in a way she can't describe since she woke up with the others, a weird sort of tension that shauna and nat are trying to keep jackie from perceiving. she doesn't know specifics, because of course she doesn't. but it's there and if melissa's talked to the others, she must have sensed it, too. ]
They all fell asleep a few weeks ago, for a few days. I heard it's something that happens sometimes, if you have memories to catch up with. [ which should explain why jackie had been the only one to stay awake. ] I don't know, things have felt...strained, I guess?
they remember more than i do. travis told me it's winter for them now, but he didn't give me any specific info.
[ He was frustratingly vague, and so was Shauna later. Maybe that's why Melissa doesn't feel bad about saying what she does next. ]
shauna and natalie have NOT been getting along back there, but if anything else happened later, i don't know about it.
[ It's actually so annoying that she doesn't know. She hates not knowing where everybody stands. Maybe if she's persistent, she can bug Shauna enough that she accidentally spills some details. ]
anyway, since we're here, it shouldn't matter, right? it's not like we need a queen one person in charge.
[ she's noticed they haven't exactly been friendly, especially since waking, but from what melissa's saying it sounds like things have been much worse than they've been letting on. but then not getting along runs a wide gambit, doesn't it? it could mean anything.
but not getting along had also lead to her walking outside to her death. ]
I mean, I wouldn't know either. No one's really been telling me anything, with a few exceptions. [ she hates it, too. ]
& yeah. I feel like it's more important to stay safe & look out for each other.
nope. but it's up and down. they must be up right now, since we're here.
[ Not really getting into the fact that Shauna doesn't exactly get along with anybody in camp these days, not just Nat. With some people it's worse, with others not as bad, but it's always kind of present, simmering. Even Tai has kept her distance lately, and Melissa knows the two of them used to be pretty close. ]
oh. i'll tell you things, i mean, if i can. [ What won't get her in trouble, at least. She's not looking to start anything. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Whatever, it's probably fine, it doesn't matter. She's more focused on the last thing Jackie sent anyway.
There's a really, really long pause before Mel sends anything else. She's kind of flying blind here and freaking out a little. This is SO fine, of course Shauna was all over her at breakfast but hasn't mentioned her at all to Jackie, and now she has to be the one to explain this. It's not like there's an established way to tell someone that you barged your way into the convenient vacant spot they left behind by literally dying and now you're wilderness dating their best friend. Type and delete, type and delete. ]
yeah, shauna is great. she's
sorry, this is so weird. shauna and i are like dating
i mean. i know you can't go on dates in the woods. but we live together and shit. that's why she said i should stay with you guys.
[ Another, shorter pause, and then: ]
don't be pissed at her
cw: post-partum/stillbirth mention
[ that's her best guess with the kind of injury she's heard mel has. but she gets it. she'd been so happy just to be able to play again it didn't even matter what kind of practice she'd gotten in.
jackie takes a few minutes to read and reread what melissa sends, because no, shauna hadn't mentioned that. but in fairness, it's not like jackie had thought to ask 'hey, in your post-partum mourning did you happen to start hooking up with one of the junior girls?'. she'd kind of figured that would be something that shauna would bring up on her own.
but then there's a lot she's not being told, isn't there? she hasn't asked for the sake of not wanting to be exiled again, especially here. but it's getting more and more difficult to ignore. ]
I'm not pissed. That's cool. [ she can do what she wants idc. ]
I'm just confused, I guess. She didn't tell me.
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oh. okay, cool. no, i just meant
gen was pretty upset with me for not telling her at first, that's all.
[ She's not really comparing this to the Jeff situation, but she's seen firsthand how hurt Jackie was when Shauna hid things from her before. It is, like, her last actual memory of Jackie. And yeah, Jackie might not really be her friend or anything, but Mel doesn't want to be the reason for another blowup. Shauna would freak. ]
i think shauna probably didn't know what to say? it's hard to talk about. a lot of people wouldn't be ok with it. not that i thought YOU wouldn't be but
anyway, it's not like she expected me to show up, right?
no subject
I mean I get it. Tai and Van were hiding it too.
I don't think any of us expected anyone else to show up.
[ there's a long pause as jackie debates whether or not to tell her what she ends up sending next, after she ultimately decides that if melissa's being upfront and honest, she should be, too. (since apparently shauna won't.) ]
You should know that we kissed. Since we've been here.
[ and before, but that's not currently relevant. ]
no subject
[ It's a lame attempt at levity, because...
ffffuck. Well, she can't stop the way her stomach drops in nauseating kneejerk reaction to Jackie's text, but at the same time it isn't shock she feels. Just... resignation, maybe? Or like she's just come face to face with some inevitability?
Melissa's not stupid. She knows people (well, two people) make jokes about Shauna using her as a shitty substitute for Jackie, and she'd never have even approached Shauna, ever, if Jackie had still been in the picture. Shauna and Jackie were all tangled up in each other in a weird way that kind of... defied the usual definitions of friendship. Or romance.
It's not like she can really hold this against Jackie, who didn't even know about her. And Shauna? Ugh, she doesn't know. ]
okay.
are you going to... keep doing that?
no subject
[ she feels like experimenting is encouraged here. with multiple partners, even. but it's still a lot to wrap her mind around and she'd been here a lot longer than melissa, comparatively. ]
I feel like people don't really judge if you want to do that with whoever here, if that makes sense? Even if they're already with someone.
But they usually know about it beforehand if they do.
no subject
[ Melissa feels like she just keeps repeating "okay," like a robot, but this isn't something she ever thought she'd be doing. Talking to her beloved team captain (her dead, beloved team captain) about kissing Shauna Shipman. ]
this is sooo fucking weird, huh
but thanks for being honest, jackie.
[ Her finger hovers over the keys, hesitating. She wants to ask if Shauna has told Jackie anything else about the situation going on, or if she's just shut it down, but she's not sure how to ask or whether she should risk it. ]
has shauna seemed okay? since you guys have been here longer.
no subject
[ the last question is something she needs to think about for a while. something's felt off in a way she can't describe since she woke up with the others, a weird sort of tension that shauna and nat are trying to keep jackie from perceiving. she doesn't know specifics, because of course she doesn't. but it's there and if melissa's talked to the others, she must have sensed it, too. ]
They all fell asleep a few weeks ago, for a few days. I heard it's something that happens sometimes, if you have memories to catch up with. [ which should explain why jackie had been the only one to stay awake. ] I don't know, things have felt...strained, I guess?
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[ He was frustratingly vague, and so was Shauna later. Maybe that's why Melissa doesn't feel bad about saying what she does next. ]
shauna and natalie have NOT been getting along back there, but if anything else happened later, i don't know about it.
[ It's actually so annoying that she doesn't know. She hates not knowing where everybody stands. Maybe if she's persistent, she can bug Shauna enough that she accidentally spills some details. ]
anyway, since we're here, it shouldn't matter, right? it's not like we need
a queenone person in charge.no subject
[ she's noticed they haven't exactly been friendly, especially since waking, but from what melissa's saying it sounds like things have been much worse than they've been letting on. but then not getting along runs a wide gambit, doesn't it? it could mean anything.
but not getting along had also lead to her walking outside to her death. ]
I mean, I wouldn't know either. No one's really been telling me anything, with a few exceptions. [ she hates it, too. ]
& yeah. I feel like it's more important to stay safe & look out for each other.
no subject
[ Not really getting into the fact that Shauna doesn't exactly get along with anybody in camp these days, not just Nat. With some people it's worse, with others not as bad, but it's always kind of present, simmering. Even Tai has kept her distance lately, and Melissa knows the two of them used to be pretty close. ]
oh. i'll tell you things, i mean, if i can. [ What won't get her in trouble, at least. She's not looking to start anything. ]
totally :)